Monday, 20 October 2014

20 . My greatest fear..

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I'm thinking my greatest fear is fearing.

I used to think, actually I still do, that I'm afraid of supernatural. But Fortunately, I've not really experienced any. I do get goosebumps from reading stories or scared myself out from watching movies but I've not personally encountered any. So, I wonder is it valid to be afraid of something invalid (to me)? Or am I just fearful of the thought of being fearful.

I know how this works.. 'cause I realized that's how my panic attacks are triggered.. thinking of "may be" or "what if", taking more breaths in calming myself which only led to hyperventilation and eventually panic disorder. I had lapse of such for a period of about 1~2 years.. 1st year unknown to what was happening to me till an episode of hyperventilation that got my entire body so numbed I got physically scared and seek medical help. I class "physically scared" apart from the fear I talked about above, where the later is just wild guessing scaring myself.

For my panic disorder, I'd like to think I'm only just very mild because I've learnt to be able to talk myself out of it. Where else I've learnt about others who are (still) struggling in it. I used "in it" because I think of it as our own thought bubble constantly celebrating Halloween, and if you could treat yourself a candy and instead think of "may be" or "what if" in the opposite direction, you'd feel better.

Now, I seldom get hyperventilation, only some times, in movie theatres, holding my breath subconsciously, from an exciting show. (Nope, not an supernatural one)

What's your greatest fear?



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